Mommy Musings

Time For a Time-Out, Mom!

2011-01-19T19:30:00.002-05:00

I am blogging on the bathroom floor while watching my daughter take a bath. Why? Because I'm learning that sometimes (more times than not) my child has a perfectly good reason for acting out.

I had punishment on my mind as I went to pick up my 15 month old from behind the side table after telling her "don't touch!" about a bazillion times. I was seeing red . . . but the red took on a distinct shade of brown as I lifted her and my hand made a "squish" sound into her poop soaked pants. Y U U U U C K!!!! My route towards the time-out spot took a detour to the tub as I looked around in frantic futility for someone else - anyone else - who might deal with this for me. But alas, my husband is at a class for graduate school and my 4 nannies have the night off (what was I thinking?)

My goal was to teach my daughter something, but I learned the lesson instead. Darn you, kid! You're always forcing me to acknowledge how far I fall short of the Mom of The Year award . . . . but then your hugs and kisses make me feel like I've already won it.

Now to dry off this lil' booger and get her in some cozy jammies.

*sigh*

Livin' and learnin' - the life of a mom.

Becoming the Mother I Swore I'd Never Be

2011-01-06T17:23:00.000-05:00

Alternate Title: Confessions of an Imperfect Mother . . . Part 1 of many

The TV is honestly an awesome babysitter and at times my savior.

The other day at a restaurant, a waitress had to bring my wandering child to me while I paid the bill. *face palm*

Sometimes, I put her to bed with a bottle. I just do extra brushing on her teeth the next day. Ok, no, I don't.

I let her run wild in our little post office and tear the place apart as I tried to ship 3 packages. I figured it was easier to just pay for what she'd damaged than to spend all my energy frivolously trying to chase her and put things back on shelves. There was a moment when she walked up to me with someone else's keys. I ran out and chased a woman to her car, just to find out that they were not hers. I just endured the judgmental stairs. I don't even care anymore.

When I'm really frustrated at her and trying to get her to mind me, I grit my teeth at her. I hate that.

I always frowned upon other parents when their children yelled "no" at them all the time. I made it a goal to rarely use that word with my child to try and keep her from forming that habit. So, I now have a child that just yells "stop" at me. *sigh* Apparently, I've ruined this kid. I'll try again with the next one.

While at a street fair, we were standing in a driveway listening to some musicians. Exhausted by chasing after my child who had decided to be ornery that day, I was allowing her to pick up snack puffs that she had dropped on the dirty ground and eat them. Concerned onlookers decided to inform me of the appalling thing my child was doing. I told them she was improving her immune system and allowed them to stare at us with sour looks on their faces. Again, I just don't care.

To be continued . . . . .

Peterson Christmas Card 2010

2010-12-12T12:47:00.002-05:00

Many Memories Tree Christmas Card

Turn your pictures into personalized Christmas cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

Thanks Shutterfly!

50 Free Christmas Cards from Shutterfly for Bloggers!

2010-11-29T20:27:00.002-05:00

It’s that time of year- Christmas Card time! Don’t you love getting them? I do… We normally display them on our fridge… but this year I have a special wall holder for them (thanks to a gift from my mom…)

While looking around on various websites for Christmas card options for this year... I came across 2 friends' blogs who posted about Shutterfly giving away 50 holiday cards to bloggers... just for blogging about it! This was great news to me, seeing as how I already had my eye on a few of their designs for our card this year! A friend of our’s has offered to take Christmas pics of the boys, and once he does, I’ll hop on Shutterfly to pick out our card.

They've got TONS of options, and lots of cute choices! I'm always wondering, when making purchases online, how something will actually look when it arrives... "Will I really like it, or will I be disappointed?" Well, last year we used Shutterfly for our New Year's cards (bc I was late getting them out, tee hee), Valentines Day cards and Juniper calendars . We LOVED them!!!! And so did everyone that received them :)

And, they’ve got some other great things for gift ideas, too… wall canvases, photobooks… See the links below for card and gift ideas:

• Christmas photo cards to http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-photo-cards

• canvas wall art to http://www.shutterfly.com/home-decor/canvas-wall-art

• holiday cards to http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/holiday-cards

• holiday photo cards to http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery

And here’s the link to the details about how to get the 50 FREE CARDS: (Thanks Shutterfly!)http://bit.ly/sfly2010

(This blog inspired by my friend @ The Gannon Gang. Go check out the story of her journey with two beautiful twin baby boys that arrived much earlier than expected.)

Quiting Nursing COLD-TURKEY :(

2010-10-05T13:52:00.000-04:00

Here is my "weening" story that really involved no "weening" at all! (Do you know if you forget the first 'n' in "weening" it becomes "weeing"? That is an entirely different story.):

Due to a bout with sinusitis and medicines I needed to take to cure it, I was told by my doctor that I had to stop nursing right away. WHAT?! I had no milk stored up. I mean, with Juniper being 11 months old, I had already switched one of her feedings with a bottle - but ALL of them?! I wasn't ready for that! And I was SURE she wasn't ready for it. My desire was to nurse until Juniper stopped wanting it, so I was almost devastated hearing that I had to quit cold turkey for 10 days. I prepared myself for a week of hell.

Well, color my face red when Juniper didn't bat an eye at no longer getting my boob. She didn't have any trouble at all! I was the one falling apart over it but she hasn't seemed to miss it. She is chugging a bottle like a champ - even holding it herself.

The other day, I had her on the bed while I was changing clothes. Usually, when she's sees me without a shirt she smacks her lips and whines, wanting me to feed her. Instead, she handed me my bra, as if to say, "Put those away, Mom!" And it was only the 1st full day without nursing! Excuse me if I feel a little rejected! I kind of thought I was more necessary than that. HA!

You know, I thought I would miss the closeness of nursing, but I am finding that we are connecting even more and cuddling more when I feed her from a bottle. I guess it is bc she gets to be so much closer to my face. With my anatomy, she would have to lay flat on my lap to nurse. Now, I can cuddle her up close while I feed her. She seems to be exploring my face more and taking breaks to "talk" to me. She even directly called me "Ma ma" for the first time! (I don't count the times she's wailed it when she wanted something.)

I expected this "cold-turkey" to be as miserable or more so than my sever case of sinusitis. I didn't expect to have to "ween" like this. But, as shocked as I am, it seems to actually be a good thing. I am no longer used as a bag of milk to comfort her - there were many times that she didn't want me, just my milk. I felt objectified!

Here are some more positives:
I no longer have to consider her diet when deciding what I want to eat. (Sweet tea, anyone? YES!)
I can get back on my ADD meds!!!!! (if my insurance company would stop being stupid. arg!)
I am no longer the ONLY ONE who can feed her milk! (this last one is my favorite)

How did I deal with the discomfort of "cold-turkey" weening? Part of my medication for the sinusitis was Zyrtec D. My Doula/Breast Counselor friend told me that when mothers ween but continue to produce milk, they prescribe Zyrtec because it will dry them right up. Well, there you go. No fussy baby. No achy boobies. Thank you, LORD!

A little piece of me has died, as does every time Juniper takes another step away from being my little baby and towards becoming her own person. But, that empty place is restored and refilled to overflowing by the blessing of seeing her grow into the beautiful creature God has created her to be. What joy I feel when she turns to me out of choice for a kiss, a hug, a snuggle - knowing that she is showing conscious love and desire for me. Now you've got me crying.

Being a parent helps me understand God's love for us so much more. How He must feel when we choose Him and also when we try to objectify Him as just a resource to be used. I know that this journey of parenthood will continue to take me to a greater understanding of our Lord. This child is an unending source of blessings :)

Today, I found her walking around with my nursing cover slung around her neck like a cape. That is the most interest she has had in anything having to do with nursing since the last time I nursed her. It made me smile :)

Of course, I will choose to nurse with my next child, and will encourage any mother to do so if it is a possibility for her. And, though I really enjoyed that season of my relationship with my daughter, I am enjoying this new season of her independence, as well. Even if she IS already exhibiting behavior associated with the "terrible two's" at the age of 12 months. *sigh* More on that, later.

p.s. I just looked it up and realized that the correct spelling is "weaning," not "weening." That clears up the confusion at the beginning. yup.

Sticky Pages

2010-10-05T13:15:00.001-04:00

I have been wondering why all of the pages to Juniper's books have begun to stick together.

Today I saw her sitting on the floor, flipping through her books and kissing the picture on each page.

Oh.

9/11/2001 Remembered

2010-09-12T01:04:00.001-04:00

I was in my freshman year at Harding University. As I was getting ready for class, I got a call from my mom telling me to turn on my TV. I watched them replaying the plane's crash into the first tower and really couldn't understand what was happening. I don't think any of us could. How can we comprehend our safe American world crumbling before our eyes? For my generation, this just didn't seem possible. We had grown up in a safe and strong America. This went against every confidence and reliance we had in our country - in our world. At first I believed it just to be a terrible mistake on a pilot's part or a horrible mechanical malfunction.
In a daze, I finished getting ready and walked across campus to the music building. I really don't remember many details. I think I was in such disbelief that nothing seemed real. I believe my Music Theory professor tried to start class, just out of shear loss for what else to do. None of us were into it. We went out into the hallway where another professor had rolled out a TV. We sat on the floor around it and watched the plane hit the second tower. "Wait. Was that another plane? Was that another building?" I then realized this was not a mistake. Fear, confusion, compassion, disbelief - how can you explain all of the emotions you feel at a moment like that?
I went back to my dorm. (I don't believe many of us tried to go to any more classes that day.) Then they began running footage of the people covered in smoke and dust running in terror, crying, in hysterics. Was this my country? These images resembled pictures I had seen in National Geographic of war-time in other countries. How could this be here?
The pentagon. The next news was that the Pentagon had been hit. This wasn't just a business building in the middle of NY. This was a vital building to our government. This should be one of the most well guarded buildings in our country! It was on fire with a huge hole in the side.
I believe at this point I may have completely checked out. What could I do? I was helpless. I could do nothing to stop this. I couldn't even process what was happening. I believe I popped in one of my favorite movies (probably 10 Things I Hate About You) just to escape from the horror of it all.
For the next several weeks, there were rumors around campus that we could be a target - because we had the largest auditorium in the area. Of course, this idea was ridiculous, but our fear was real.
When I went home for Thanksgiving, SNL had an amazing tribute with many artists singing "I'm Proud To Be An American." This is not like me, but I remember standing with tears streaming down my face, singing along with them.

I wanted to get down my random thoughts and memories of that horrible day, so I would have them for years to come. It is not a day I like to dwell on. I didn't watch any of the specials today. I didn't discuss the events with anyone. I didn't even read anyone else's accounts of 9/11/01. But, of course, it is something I will never forget. When asked, I want to have my memories as best I can.

Allergies

2010-09-11T23:24:00.000-04:00

I am allergic to:

Doing the dishes after I have cooked a large meal. (Ok, ok - even after a small, easy meal.)

Running. (The phrase, "I'm exercising. I'm exercising," always repeats in my head over and over again to the rhythm of my canter. And, in the case that you are confused, it is not repeated in a chipper endorphin-infused voice, but rather a voice more similar to that of Eeyore, Pooh's donkey friend. Thanks for noticin' me.)

Matching socks.

Plain socks.

My husband's explanations of accounting processes.

Hanging up laundry right when I pull it out of the dryer.

Hanging up laundry. (Achoo! I feel it coming on.)

The term "tee tee" when used in reference to urinating.

Watching sports on TV.

NASCAR anything.

Cloth diapers. Kudos to you that can do it. I've tried. I just cannot. Maybe if the stairs to and from my washer and dryer didn't feel like I was scaling a mountain I would be more successful at them.

Lord of The Rings. I can't get into it. I've tried several times bc my husband loves it. But, nope, not happening. In fact, I think for the 2nd movie I went to the opening showing with some friends. I just sat there and heckled it the entire time. I got a lot of angry nerd looks. lol

Animal movies. I'm trying to think of one that I have liked . . . , . . . , . . . Nope, can't think of one.

What are you allergic to?

Inspired by this post from idontbelieveingrammar. I am in <3 with her blog name - even if am an English/Grammar/Writing teacher. I somehow stumbled across her blog and fell in love with it. I see myself in so many of her posts.

Mama Bear (cont.)

2010-09-05T21:06:00.001-04:00

Time to continue the story. Yes, it has been a few months. I know you have been sitting in suspense all this time and I am sorry to have caused you so much anxiety. ha
If you haven't read the previous entry (part 1 of this saga), I encourage you to.

In the previous post, I hope I have established my very logical fear of stinging insects. They don't like me. They come after me. I cannot stand still. They do not go away. They sting me. We have a mutual hate for each other.

Some persistent hornets must continue to build a nest right near our front door bc it is a common occurrence for one to find its way into our home when my husband opens the door to leave for work in the morning. As previously mentioned, my normal response to this was to barricade myself in another room until my husband got home from work. Yes. All day. And sometimes several days in a row. These suckers live for DAYS! I would think that they had died by the evening, bc of course by the time that my husband gets home they have stopped flying. But, no, they are just resting for the evening and begin their furious flight anew when I rise in the morning. Ahhh!

I mean, look at these things! They are the size of, like, a golf ball! So scary!

So, to reset the scene: Juniper and I get up in the morning. I set her down on the living room floor to play and I assume my position on the couch. Then I hear it:
Bzzzzzzz *Clink*
Bzzzzzzz *Plonk*
Bzzzzzzz "I'm an angry hornet and I'm just getting angrier every time I run into something!" *Dink*

Being the brave mommy that I am, I scoop up Juniper and run to the back of the room intent on camping out in her room for the rest of the day until her father gets home. Then, my brain kicks in a little. It is 8am. Her father doesn't get home until around 6pm. Am I really going to be able to keep this baby happy in her room for 10 hours? What if she gets hungry? My milk only goes so far. I don't have enough toys in there to keep her entertained. What if I have to go to the bathroom?

I realize I need to get tough and take care of this. Man up. Be a Mama bear protecting her cub. ROAR! I have to destroy this thing.

I begin whispering with Juniper (you know, so the hornet can't hear us), trying to figure out what we are going to do. Juniper whispers babble back. Not helpful - but cute! I'm going to need something with a lot of surface, so there is less room for error. Lord knows, I do not want to miss! I settle on a large dust pan. After about 20 minutes of standing there debating and abating my fear, I begin to move.

I set Juniper down in the kitchen where she can see all the action but is out of harm's way. I stalk carefully towards the hornet. It has been favoring our brick fireplace so at least it is kind of staying in one place. I get closer. I can see it! Closer. Its stupid little wings are quivering. Closer. I am definitely within stinging range now. With a trembling hand I raise the dust pan and . . .

WHACK! Bzzzzzz SCREAM! Screech!
WHACK! Bzzzzzz SCREAM! Screech!
WHACK! WHACK! Bzzzzzz SCREAM! Screech!
WHACK! SCREAM! Screech!

These sounds were happening pretty much simultaneously. The "WHACK," of course, is me hitting the hornet. The "Bzzzzzz" is the hornet that WILL NOT DIE!!! The "SCREAM" is me screaming in fear with every hit. And the "Screech" is Juniper screaming in response to my scream. I am sure it was quite a ridiculous scene.

In the end, I emerged the victor! I slew the hornet! The hornet had been slain! I scooped up the carcass with the dustpan and deposited it outside. I raised my fists in triumph. I deserved a trophy, nay, a CAPE, fore I was the super slayer of stinging insects! HA!

I would like to say that the tables have turned with stinging insects and me. I would like to say that I no longer fear them. But, just today, I nervously held my breath as a yellow jacket flew by me and then frantically waved my arms and yelled, "Stay away from my baby! Stay away from my baby!" as it flew near Juniper. I'm a work in progress.

Mamma Bear

2010-06-25T13:00:00.001-04:00

I had a triumphant morning! Today, I slew a stinging insect! A hornet, to be exact. Hooray!!!
This is a huge triumph for me, since in the past if a stinging insect invaded my home and was flying around angrily, I would just barricade myself in another room until my husband came home - yes, I would stay in that room all day. That is how fearful I am of stinging insects.

My first encounter was when I was about 5 (or 8, I can't remember.) Anyway, my family and I were walking through a new neighborhood that had been built near ours, admiring the new houses and checking out the sample homes. As we were leaving we walked through the same rot iron gate we had come in through. The gate had a hole for a handle, but no handle yet. So, we just put our hand through the hole to open it. This was not a problem going in as we all passed through the gate together and went on our way. However, on the way back I ran ahead so I could hold the door open for my family (trying to be sweet has a history of burning me - more stories later.) Lo and behold, within that hole resided a wasp and its nest. As my fingers were disturbing the nest, the wasp flew out to meet me. I screamed. What did my father tell me to do? "Stand still! It won't bother you." Well, that works unless you just stuck a finger directly into their nest. At that point the wasp is already mad and your fate is pretty much sealed. So, I did as my father instructed. I stood still and let that wasp take its time in getting its aim. It made 3 figure 8s in front of my face and then decided to plant its stinger right into the tip of my nose. Yes, the stupid wasp stung the tip of my nose. From that day on I stayed as far away as possible from stinging insects.

Until today. But let me first quickly tell you my second encounter.

I was 2 WEEKS over-due with my little baby. Yes, I was a big waddling ball of miserable. I was walking down a few stairs after a visit to Sub-Way. I was out in the middle of nothing, no walls, no railings. I wasn't holding on to anything so I have no idea how this happened. All I can think is that I swung my arm (and you better believe I was swinging my arms while I was walking. Moving something that big took momentum, man.) I guess I swung my arm in the path of a hornet's flight. Well, EXCUSE ME mister hornet. Heaven forbid that I am walking where you are flying. So, it decided to sting me on the arm. All I heard was a quick buzz and then felt a terrible sting in the crook of my arm.
I was a pitiful sight, let me tell you. Tears started streaming down my face. It wasn't that it really hurt too badly, but my feelings were hurt. I mean, didn't it see how miserable I was? And I didn't do anything to it! I was just walking, well, waddling back to my car after trying to treat my gloomy self to a scrumptious sandwich. I stood there and just said, "Why?"
Two ladies were walking by and, seeing a hugely pregnant lady standing there with a quivering bottom lip and talking to herself, they asked if I was alright. I began blubbering, "I was just walking and this hornet - I guess it was a hornet - came out of nowhere and stung my arm! Why would it do that?!"
They just stared at me bewildered. I realized they didn't have an answer for that, so I asked them, "What should I do? Do I need to go to the hospital? Is it going to hurt my baby?" (Yes, I was pretty hysterical.)
More bewildered stares and then one woman blinked and said, "I guess you should probably put some ice on it. Maybe use your drink. And then call your doctor."
Well, that sounded a lot more sensible to me. I got in my car and held my cold drink to the boo-boo until I got home. I called the doc and she said it was no big deal. Overreact much?

Which brings us to today.

TO BE CONTINUED . . .

Cleaning Up

2010-05-19T08:03:00.000-04:00

I have been trying to get my life in order. Read: less time on the computer and more time Doin' Stuff! Every time I think to sit down and blog, I realize there is a pile of junk that could be gone through or a dusty surface or 2 or 5. I realize there is a pile of laundry, a sink of dishes, a messy closet. I used to ignore these things and just sit at the computer bc dealing with these things did not make me happy and sitting at the computer did. However, the anxiety began to build. Life in clutter was stressing me out. So, I began cleaning. While the process made me miserable, the end result makes me a much happier and clear-minded person. *smile*

My bedroom was the biggest project. It had been neglected for, well, maybe for almost *shudder* a year! It is the room that is just so easy to close the door on whenever guests come buy. Every unsightly thing would be transferred there and the door shut. It was one of those projects that I had started several times, but would always be interrupted and the attempt would leave the room worse than it had previously been.

Finally, I got a day where my husband was not working and he took a day off of studying for his graduate classes and could watch our baby girl. I had almost ALL DAY uninterrupted to clean! And you know what? It didn't even take all day! It feels so good to have a clean, (somewhat) organized room! It still needs a little work, but it is in a very good place, now.

And, no, I am not posting before and after pictures. Are you kidding me? My mother reads this blog!

Oh, and may I just mention that I recently moved ALL of the furniture and rugs in my living room and did a seriously cleaning of the floors - all of this while trying to keep a crawling baby contented. This may be a regular activity for some people - but it isn't for me, and I think I deserve a "way to go!" Why, thank you!

I am supper excited to finally get my photo editing software up and running again. I have had several posts bouncing around in my head the last month, but have not wanted to post them without the accompanying pictures. Hopefully, I will get around to them, soon!

Human Again

2010-04-27T12:29:00.000-04:00

It's the little things that make you feel human again.

An uninterrupted shower
An uninterrupted meal
Cooking a meal . . . uninterrupted
An uninterrupted night's sleep (I don't remember what that is like)
Cleaning the house
Doing your hair
Applying make-up
Brushed teeth
Plucked eyebrows
Wearing a real bra
Shaved legs
Reading a chapter in a book
Driving in the car by yourself
Watching a chick flick
An uninterrupted blog entry (arg!)
Vacuuming the floors
Cleaning out that pile of junk you've been meaning to get to
Hanging flowers on the back porch
Filling bird feeders
A trip to the grocery store/farmer's market by yourself

I feel myself relaxing just listing these things.

If I were to get any 5 of these things in one week I would think I was dreaming.
But I would know I was not dreaming, because that would require an uninterrupted night's sleep.

So, then I would come to the conclusion that I was dead and this is Heaven.
I would look around and think,

"Hmm. Not bad . . .

Ok, where's my new body?"

I have new pictures to post along with an entry I've been working on - but our desktop computer that I keep my pictures on has crashed.
You know when you try to do something on the computer and a little warning sign pops up and says that force-quitting that application could cause damage to your computer? Well, sometimes it actually does. Lesson learned.
Funny that it was actually my husband who did it this time. Ha!
Not funny that we are going to have to pay about $100 just to see if we can salvage any of the videos and pictures of our precious daughter. Also, my husband's grad work is on that computer and several of the projects are due next week. Eeek!
Please send happy thoughts and prayers into our Mac. Does "laying on hands" work on machines?

The Husband Stitch

2010-04-22T17:12:00.001-04:00

T.M.I. ALERT!

This post discusses a topic that is not for the easily offended. In my opinion, I actually exercised a lot of restraint, but to some I may have still gone too far. Oh well. Don't read it.

I debated about sharing this - but I just have to get it out there. Maybe I am hoping that others have a similar experience so I don't feel like such a weird-o?
Tally forth . . .

Dear "Husband Stitch",

You suck.

As the doctors went to work on my 3rd degree lacerations after the delivery of my 10lb 1oz baby girl, in my exhausted stupor I vaguely remember them saying, "Don't worry. We're going to make you BETTER than new."

BETTER THAN NEW?

What is wrong with just new?

What was wrong with me before?

Nothing. I was fine before.

Just make me like I was before, ok?

But I wasn't asked. I was just sewn. Practically shut. Not cool.

Almost 7 months later and I am still having to deal with this. Let me just say that my husband is not a big fan of this so-called "husband stitch". It's more like an ANTI-husband stitch.

Thank God for an awesome O.B. that has a bunch of little tricks up her sleeve.

Little Juniper - someday you will have a little brother or sister. Someday. Just not any time soon. Sorry.

And if you are wondering, yes, this has affected my self-confidence. Along with that, I have been more than discontented with my flabby, stretch-marked (or tiger striped!) body. But, just when I am about to have a major meltdown - I look at my little Juniper. I remember that this body made a baby. Heck, I should amazed by my body! I should give my body a little wink, wink nudge "good job!" I'd do it all over again for that precious little girl. And I just might have to if I want another one. *sigh*

Maybe I should just make a permanent TMI button. What do you think? lol

All Buttoned Up!

2010-04-13T23:35:00.001-04:00

Today I spent a good chunk of time adding the buttons of several blogs that a frequently read.
Is your button there? (see bottom right-side column)
If it isn't then chances are I couldn't find it or it didn't work or *gasp* you don't have one!

If you don't yet have a button, then HERE is a great tutorial that helped me out. The first time it took me 2 hours. The second time it took me 1 hour and the 3rd took me 1/2hour. So, you see, I am improving. :)

Here's my button in case you'd like to re-button :)

If you have a button I missed or if you create a new one - let me know! I'll darn your button to my blog :)

Are You Ready For This Cuteness?!

2010-04-12T23:26:00.001-04:00

I don't think you are!

Juniper Grace

Easter Day, 6 months old

Laughing at Daddy :)

I Promise This Is Not Becoming a Breast-Feeding Blog

2010-04-07T17:15:00.002-04:00

In light of my last 2 posts, I thought I would re-visit a blog I did several months ago concerning my struggles with nursing my daughter. I hope you enjoy! or re-enjoy!

This Sucks Because She Won't!
Warning: This post discusses boobies. If that makes you uncomfortable, read no further.

I wish I had written this closer to when the events had occurred for a better account. It just took me so darn long to remember and recount the events of my delivery that everything else was put on hold.

Anyway, we finally get baby girl home. I went about trying to do about the only thing my beat-up body should be capable of doing: feeding the baby. I had gotten some pointers from the nurse at the hospital and had attended a breast feeding class during my 9th month. I figured I was pretty prepared. I cradled Juniper in a proper feeding position - supporting her head as I had seen. I supported my breast with the other hand, waited for her mouth to open and popped the thing right into it. I thought, "Now, suck." But she didn't suck. She screamed. So, we tried again. And again. Ok, lets try the other breast. Same thing. I couldn't understand it. For hours I tried to feed her while she screamed - so tired and so hungry. I would let her suck on my finger for a few minutes and then we would try again. Again she screamed. She screamed and cried with perfectly pitiful little "Wha"s until, exhausted, she would cry herself to sleep.

This continued for 2 days. I was exasperated, exhausted, desperate and pretty much mortified. Why wouldn't my baby eat. I kept saying, "It is right here, baby. Take it!" But she would not. I was beside myself. Here it was, my biggest job as a mother - to make sure my child was fed - and I couldn't do it. Everything I had read said to keep going - that eventually the baby would feed. They said not to use a bottle bc it would cause nipple confusion. However, I was watching my baby waste away before my eyes. This pudgy little baby I had brought home from the hospital had lost almost all of her baby fat. Her double chin was replaced with saggy skin and her neck began to look like that of an old woman. Her rosy glow had turned ashen. My every instinct as a mother said to do what I could to get something into that baby's stomach. So, fighting the guilt imposed by breast-feeding nazis I broke out the hand pump. I pumped about 3oz, poured it into a bottle and popped it into her mouth. She drank! She chugged that bottle down and when she was done - no screaming. I had a completely different baby. This baby was peaceful and contented. We all sighed and laughed with relief and then we slept.

The next day we went to a lactation consultant. Juniper had lost 2.5lbs from her birth weight! That is significant. They commended me, though, on doing what I could to get something into her stomach. She was responding well with good color in her skin and would not need to be admitted to the hospital.
It turns out that my breasts were becoming so engorged that my nipples were flattening out and giving her nothing to latch on to. They gave me plastic nipple shields and Juniper took to them right away. Another sigh of relief. Also, I had the letdown of a super soaker and I was drowning her, so they encouraged me to pump a little before nursing. They sent me home with the nipple shields, storage bottles and a rented electric pump to help lessen the engorgement. Happy baby, happy mommy.
Now that she was eating we had to work on improving her latch. "It is called breast feeding, not nipple feeding," they would tell me. Well, someone tell Juniper that! I would do everything they told me to do, angling myself right, widening her mouth and shoving as much of myself in there as I could - but she would inevitably slide down to where she was only sucking on my nipple. 3 months later this is still her preference, but my skin is a lot tougher now. Then, she was biting me raw and to the point of bleeding. The nipple shield would be filled with blood and I was afraid I was creating a little vampire of a baby. With creams and soothing pads they finally healed and toughened up.

I have resigned to the fact that, though we have both greatly improved at it, she is just a fussy eater. My mom says I was the same way and that I fought her the whole time I was nursing until I weened myself around 6 months. She is also a sloooooooooow eater. She likes to take breaks and look around. She will want to stop and play and then want to eat again 10-15 minutes later, causing her feeding time to last about an hour. This makes it very difficult when in social situations. It is frustrating to keep disappearing or to stay gone for hours at a time. With my anatomy and her fussiness it makes it difficult to breastfeed her discreetly in public. This is why I typically try to keep some pumped milk with me. I just fart in the general direction of all the breastfeeding brow-beaters giving me the stink-eye. It is breast milk - but what business is it of their's how I choose or need to feed my baby. How dare they make another woman feel inferior for doing what they can to feed their child. Occasionally, Juniper's hunger is too great for my supply and I have to supplement a little formula. The BFNs (Breastfeeding Nazis) would have me to simply let my baby do without, saying it won't hurt her. Seriously? Giving her formula would do her more harm than having her go hungry? Ridiculous. If my baby is hungry, I find a way to feed her - it is instinctual. Here is a confession for all you booby bullies - sometimes I give her formula simply out of convenience. I must be a terrible mom. My child is going to grow up stupid, right? You self-righteous shamers seriously need to put a cork in it. If we wanted your opinion, we would ask. You just tend to and raise your own little organic baby geniuses. I am going to laugh when my formula feeder gets better college scholarships.
Sorry, I got a little mean and angry their. I just think its horrible when women who have tried their best but are simply unable to breastfeed are judged as bad mothers. I will get off of my soap box. However, this is my blog so I guess I shouldn't have to apologize for expressing my thoughts.
I will probably go back later and edit all of this out - after I cool down.

*I didn't cool down about it. Therefore, I never edited it out :)

Unbiased Breast-Feeding News

2010-04-07T15:35:00.001-04:00

After my last post I was contacted by Paige at Newsy.com. She suggested that I post this video with some recent news on breastfeeding.
The video looks at new findings from various media outlet perspectives.
Newsy videos combine and analyze content from many different news sources to eliminate bias and let the viewer develop their own opinion. They give users comprehensive updates on global events to make them smarter, faster.
I had never heard of Newsy.com before, but now I'm a convert. Thanks, Paige!

Funny for Breast-Feeding Moms

2010-04-07T08:44:00.001-04:00

I will return to the blogging world soon. I have been using what little energy I've had of late to do some Spring cleaning. However, as I look around my house right now I can't even tell I've done anything. Depressing.

Easy, YUMMY Recipe for Sneaking in Veggies!

2010-03-02T14:03:00.000-05:00

I ran across a recipe that I had printed off from who knows where. It was incomplete but included many ingredients that I already had at home and sounded yummy, so I thought I'd give it a whirl.
It was soooo good!!! I made some adjustments and added spinach for a veggie kick. It was VERY filling. A second helping put me over the edge last night. I wish I had thought to take a picture when it was all beautiful in the casserole dish, but here is a pick of the very last left-over serving. Can I say again, YUM?!

Alright, so I have NO future in food photography.

Chicken (Spinach) Tamale Casserole

2 cooked, shredded chicken breasts - about 2 cups (my mom hates shredding chicken so I would suggest maybe 6 chicken tenders and just let the eaters cut their own chicken)
1 box of corn bread mix
1 can of creamed corn
1 can of green chilies
1/8 - 1/4 tsp red pepper (I use 1/4tsp bc I likey spicy! but still isn't very spicy)
1 tsp cumin (I LOVE cumin!)
1/3 cup milk
1 cup Mexican blend cheese, divided (I just shredded a block of cheddar that I had on hand.)
1 can enchilada sauce
(optional) 1/2 a box of frozen spinach, thawed and squeezed dry - I placed the frozen block in a sieve or strainer, ran warm water over it and broke it up with my hands (or about 1/2 cup sauteed spinach) (You may try broccoli if you like.)

Preheat oven as instructed on corn bread mix

Mix corn bread mix, creamed corn, green chilies, red pepper, cumin, milk, 1/3 cup cheese and spinach (if using)

Pour into a greased 11" by 7"ish or 2L casserole dish

Bake for about 15min or until just set, but not baked all the way through

Poke the cornbread mix liberally with a fork and pour enchilada sauce over it to cover. Spread chicken evenly and add the rest of the cheese on top.

Bake for about 10min more.

Serve with a dollop of sour cream. Mmmmmmmmmm!

Let me know if you try it and how it goes! Did you make any changes?

Adventures in D'oh!

2010-02-25T22:48:00.008-05:00

I am an alright cook. I'm not awesome; no one's asking me to star in my own show or anything, but I typically get good responses to what I do. I'm alright. One thing (among many) that I am not good at is baking. My success in baking pretty much begins and ends with Toll House break-away cookie squares - and sometimes I mess those up, too. I have thus decided to begin a journey. I plan to teach myself to bake and will chronicle this journey in posts entitled "Adventures in D'oh!" (Get it? Dough and Homer Simpson's expletive "D'oh"? Anyway . . .)

I begin this adventure, in keeping with my habit of being ever overly ambitious, by choosing a recipe I saw in a post by fudge ripple for homemade Ding-Dongs. This recipe calls for making devil's food cake, a fluffy filling and a chocolate ganache. Yes, that is 3 separate recipes - all from scratch. Formidable, right? Oh wait, there's more. I decided to make all of this for the Small Group from church that meets at my house on Wednesday nights. No time for a trial run. All done in one day while juggling a 4 month old and allowing time for clean-up, oh, and to make a double batch of chili, all before ppl start showing up around 6:15pm. Yes, I am an idiot.

#1 Lesson Learned: Use appropriate equipment.
I tried to skate buy by using a smaller sheet pan than suggested which made the cake have to cook twice as long as the recipe called for and also made the cake twice as thick as I needed it - which led to a deluge of issues. *sigh*
I also did not have access to a cookie cutter (though I went both to Wal-mart and to my grocery store, neither of which had a simple cookie cutter. Is it really that difficult, people?) As my friend, Kasey suggested, I could have used a glass to cut the pieces out, but I wanted more bite-sized confections that would be easy for people to just pop into their mouths. I therefore decided to use a plastic toothpick container, which cracked and broke after I used it a few times. *sigh*

#2 Lesson Learned: Adjust the mixer speed when adding ingredients.
At one point I was supposed to alternate adding dry and liquid ingredients to my mixer. I added the dry ingredients and got a cloud of cocoa powder, sugar, flour, etc. coating me and everything else within a 3' radius. I added the liquid ingredients and thus added a mixture of milk and chocolate/coffee splatters to the same surfaces. How about turning down the speed of the mixer when adding ingredients, huh? Slow down, speedy! I would like to say I learned my lesson after the first time I added the ingredients. No, it took me a few times before I figured out the solution to my problem. I know you're shaking your head at me. Its justified.

#3 Lesson Learned: Clean as you go . . .

or get a bigger kitchen with triplicates of all utensils and appliances . . . or hire a dish-washer. I was constantly needing the very measuring cup or bowl that I had just submerged in chocolaty water.

What a mess! It was all over the kitchen, it was all over me, it was all over Juniper. (No, mom. I did not feed my baby chocolate. I apparently had ganache on my shirt that I hadn't ~~licked~~ cleaned off before I picked her up from her nap.)

Now, if Juniper were old enough to eat chocolate, right about here I would add adorable pictures of her licking chocolate off of a spoon. But seeing as she is still to young, you will have to settle for adorable pictures of me:

Since chocolate was EVERYWHERE, I did have to ~~lick~~ clean the camera off after taking this picture.

Here is what fudge ripple's Ding-Dongs looked like:

And here are my messy results *sigh*:

Ganache is hard to handle, dang it! I guess this could lead to my #4 Lesson Learned: Follow the suggestions in the recipe.
She told me to use a spatula heated over a flame to smooth the ganache. I used a cold knife and my fingers. D'oh!

And finally . . .
#5 Lesson Learned: Presentation is everything.
If I had just left them looking like little turds on a plate, no one would have eaten them. However, wrap them in foil - no matter how poorly wrapped - and they become little presents with a surprise inside. Added bonus, I can then blame the poor ganache job on the foil mucking it up.

The verdict: They LOVED it! See?

They ate them all!

Moment of pure embarrassment:
I did make 2 bigger ones after my "genius" toothpick container/cookie cutter broke. At the end of the night, I found myself announcing to the entire church group, "I've got 2 large Ding-Dongs here if anybody wants 'em!" My face turned red. They all laughed. I love them. :)
*Side note: Folks even took the extra Ding-Dongs home to share with family and friends. Yes, they liked them that much! I am SO GLAD all that hard work actually produced something, not only edible, but good and well received!

Now, what do I do with the mutilated, left-over cake?

I hear you asking, "What was Juniper doing while you were whipping up a confectional flurry in the kitchen?"
Well, part of the time she was ENTHRALLED in Blue's Clues, of all things. She actually watched 2 episodes and squealed and giggled at the characters the whole time! The only time she got fussy was when the first episode ended and she needed me to start the next one.
I always feel really guilty whenever I depend on TV to babysit. At least it was educational, right?

Now, it is your turn! I am so interested to hear your baking successes/failures. Am I alone in the world of D'oh, or do others of you have the same struggles? Let me know!
If you post about it, grab the button! Yes, it is huge. I don't know how to make it smaller.

I am a Jungle Gym

2010-02-23T00:34:00.013-05:00

I am a jungle gym.
I am a rock wall.
My nose, ears and eye sockets are hand-holds.
My legs, bulging belly and boobs are foot-holds.
My hair is ropes from which to swing.
I am a human jungle gym.

This is what I feel like with a rambunctious infant squirming all over me. Poor girl. She can not yet move herself to all the places she constantly and so desperately wants to be! She wants everything and is discontented by it once she has finally attained it. Restless, fickle girl. But, don't I so often feel the same way?

Rashes, rashes, rashes all over my baby's body. What are they? I am currently trying to rule-out foods by switching her back to just breast milk for a while. By comparing it to pictures on-line I do not believe it is eczema. Could it be just dryness from running a heater all winter? She has been cranky lately and my mother suggested she could be itchy - which makes sense. I guess we will be making a doctor appt. tomorrow. Arg.
Last time I took her in before her scheduled check-up bc I feared she had acid reflux I felt that they were all treating me like the overreacting mother that brings her baby in after every sneeze. But maybe it was just in my head - how they were treating me, not the acid reflux (though that may have been all in my head, as well.)

Last night I composed an entire post while lying in bed. I remember it was funny . . . but that is all I remember of it. However, I did have a dream that an ex-boyfriend of mine gained 400lbs and was crying bc he had moobs. I was trying to console him by saying that I had gained a lot of weight, too and we can find a way for us to lose weight. I think it was my subconscious's way of making me feel better about my weight-gain. It worked. But it's not true. He hasn't gained much weight . . . dang it.

And now for a little levity:
Here is Juniper having fun in her new highchair . . . and then deciding she is so over it.

I don't know why the video uploaded so pixelly. I'll figure it out next time. This time it took me over an hour to just figure out how (through trial and error) to post a video on here. I finally broke down and uploaded my very first video to YouTube. I'm one of the cool kids, now.

I Wanna Read It!

2010-02-20T23:18:00.000-05:00

I was made aware of a recent book called Get Me Out: A History of Childbirth from the Garden of Eden to the Sperm Bank by Randi Hutter Epstein. How interesting, right? It discusses many things from ridiculous medieval tactics to the source of some of our modern day practices to the varying and sometimes polar opposite views of "feminists" concerning the rights of the mother through the ages. This has now moved to the top of my "To Read" list - a depressingly long list. I recommend checking out a review by Jade Keller and then listening to or reading the NPR interview with Epstein. I would love to have others join me in reading it. Any takers?

Delicious Demise

2010-02-13T09:41:00.001-05:00

So, I'll give you a guess as to what my husband gave me for Valentine's Day. Go on, guess (see previous post for a hint) . . .

If you said Thin Mints, then DING DING DING you're correct! Give yourself a pat on the back. There, now don't you feel good?

Good, because I don't. Oh, he knows me well, but not well enough to keep those things away from me! I do SO LOVE them. Which is why I cannot have them. The fact that I can eat an entire box myself while watching a single episode of The Office is a source for self-loathing.

Oh, Thin Mints. My delicious demise.

And yes, Kat, they (or what is left of them due to some serious self-control) are residing in my freezer. Is there any other way? :)

Dear So and So . . .

2010-02-12T13:33:00.002-05:00

Dear Sleeping Baby,

I am conflicted. I am always so relieved that you are sleeping and I have a few moments to myself. But at the same time I miss you and want to give you hugs. I check on you every few minutes because I love you and want to make sure you are safe and I have to fight the urge to pick you up and smother you with kisses.

I know that your naps make you a much happier baby. I am so proud of you for going to sleep even when you are not yet falling asleep in my arms and also for soothing yourself back to sleep when those unnecessarily loud pick-up trucks and motorcycles go by our house. I am considering going outside and throwing rocks at them the next time.
I love you. Keep breathing.

- Mommy of a Rested Baby

*****

Dear "."

Well, hello again. I did not miss you during your 13 month hiatus and I am not happy to see that you have returned - with a vengeance! The headaches, soar tummy, achy muscles, lethargy and need for chocolate that you bring are not welcome. I guess I do appreciate the fact that you are a part of a functioning reproductive system that produced my precious baby. Whatever.

- Crabby Cramper

*****

Dear Girl Scouts,

Yes, if propositioned I will buy several boxes of Thin Mints. No, I do not need them nor do I really have the money to waste on those delicious boxes of cellulite that I will no doubt consume on my own. I am in a vulnerable state (see above letter.) Please stay away.

- Weak-Willed Woman

*****

Dear Stretch Marks,

You will no longer be labeled as "Stretch Marks." From now on you will be known as "Tiger Stripes." RAWRRR!!!

- A Mommy Re-Purposing Her Skin as Fashionable Body-Art

*****

Dear Winter Weather,

How I wished for you while growing up in Daytona Beach, FL. As I child I would have loved to frolic in your snow, make snow men, snow ball fights, ice skating, suck on icicles, catch your flakes on my tongue, sled, stick my tongue on a metal pole, avoid yellow snow, etc. That was back when days were empty of responsibility and filled with whimsy.
Now, a body's got places to be - things to achieve. I do not mean to sound like a grump. I did so enjoy you during your first visit . . . and some on your second. You were so pretty and such a wonder at our mountain home. I love dawning my winter coats and hand-made scarves and hats. But you are becoming down-right inconvenient and dangerous. You ice our drive-way and the mountain road on which we live. You cancel activities I have been looking forward to and you make the grocery store a mad-house. My heating bills are ridiculous as a Florida girl is not used to these temperatures. And I have a serious case of cabin fever.
You have been pretty, but it is time to go away.

- A Serious Humbug

*****

Dear Husband,

I am so happy that 3 years ago I let you marry me - and you let me marry you back. I knew you would be a great husband and father, but to experience that daily is truly a blessing. You are patient and forgiving, hard-working and devoted, loving and understanding and I LOVE you!
I thought I would be disappointed if our baby began looking more like you than me, but I have to say, you make one beautiful baby! (Let's make more.)
Happy Valentine's Day!!!

- Your Lucky Wife

*****

Dear Readers,

Thank you for taking an interest! Check out Kat's website for more "Dear So and So"s.

- Linzi

A Round of Applause!!!

2010-02-09T19:14:00.001-05:00

I would like to commend my daughter, Juniper on a very successful day!
Today she:

ate and loved rice cereal mixed with peas. I told my doctor that she shows an interest in eating food, but doesn't seem to like the taste of the rice cereal. I believed that she likely found it bland after the various flavors she discovered through breast milk. He recommended mixing in a little bit of pureed veggies with the rice cereal. So, I put together her new high chair (hurray!), and placed Juniper in it while I fixed her cereal. She had so much fun smearing her hands across the tray and watching me from a decent height. I think she also really enjoyed sitting up (I've tried to put her in one of those Bumbo chairs several times but she hates it!) I mixed some cereal with breast milk and peas, bibbed the baby and sat down to try it out. She was not immediately accepting to the spoon. I guess she has recalled being scorned by it's previous bland food. But, when I got a little into her mouth, she of course made that baby "Ick! This is a new flavor!" face, but then began grabbing for the spoon making "Mmmm" noises. Hey, Mikey! She likes it! She ate like a pro - big spoonfuls! When I would let her play with the spoon she knew exactly what to do with it. The rubber end goes in the mouth. Smart girl! She was tired and began sucking her thumb, but would then remove it in order to receive more spoonfuls. I cannot believe she ate so well! My baby is a genius. When her head began to droop onto the tray, I wiped her up and put her to bed . . . which brings me to the next great thing she has been doing today.

She has been going to sleep so well once I lay her down! Sometimes I have been laying her down when I am more ready for her to go to sleep than she is, but she just conks out. I turn on her fan and a CD and place her in her bed. She fusses a little while she can still see me, but as soon as I am out of sight her thumb goes in her mouth. Even if she doesn't go straight to sleep she at least gets quiet and she is asleep within 3-5minutes. I know that babies' sleeping habits go through many changes. I feel like Juniper is a different sleeper every 2 weeks or so. Therefore, I am cherishing this phase for every blissful second of peace it is worth!

She has been much more content to play on her own. She enjoys her play mat or play saucer for 15-20minutes at a time. Today I even flipped on a kid's educational show (similar to Baby Einsteins) and she had a blast watching it. She was flailing her arms in response to the characters and talking back to them. As much as my sanity would love to just plop her down in front of a video several times a day, my conscience won't let me. It is just good to know that when I am at my wit's end it is an option.

This is not a very well structured or thought through post, but I just wanted to get a few of these milestones down while I have a moment to myself. The purpose of this blog began as an electronic baby book as I am terrible at filling in the precious one that is collecting dust on my night stand. I would hate to ever lose these memories. I figure one good fire could destroy her baby book but the internet will likely last forever, ever, ever, ever (echo effect.)

This Constitutes a "Not Me Monday"

2010-02-01T16:47:00.004-05:00

The other day I made some roasted butternut squash for a recipe. Yummy, right? I roasted twice as much squash as the recipe called for and so had the brilliant idea to use it to make some homemade baby food! I'm so trendy. The blender was not really cutting it, so at this point I would never use a rubber spatula to help feed the squash into the blade. Because if I did, the blade would cut up the spatula into tiny bits and then incorporate those rubber bits into the mushed squash rendering it inedible. Who would be so stupid as to do that? Not Me!

While doing a little cleaning-out of my car I discovered a dirty diaper on the dash behind the back seat. It must have been there for over a month - maybe two. Now who would have put a dirty diaper there and then left it? Not Me!

Who is neglecting a fussing baby while writing this blog? Not Me!

The China Set

2010-01-30T19:05:00.005-05:00

I just came across a piece of writing that I had thought lost. I am so glad I found it!!! In college I took a writing course where I discovered, after years of thinking myself a terrible writer because of the discouragement and misunderstanding of previous teachers, I really like the way I write! While taking this class, I wrote a paper on my great-grandmother. It isn't anything special, but it is the first piece of writing of which I have ever been proud. I have decided to copy it down here where, unless the internet explodes, I am not likely to lose it again.

This is dedicated to my Mema and Papa.

The China Set

I have a china set that my great-grandmother, GranGran, painted beautiful flowers and roses upon for me. I can't quite remember the year she gave it to me. It seems as if I've always had it. It was stressed to me how fragile and precious the china set is. I have never put it on display. I have never filled the little cups with water and played "tea party" with it. Somehow that would make it seem just like any other china set. It stays in the same tattered and worn, tape-covered, cardboard box in which it came to me. The pieces are still in the same ripped and yellowed tissue paper. It stays in the top of my closet.

I would take it down every few weeks and set up the cups and saucers on my bed. I would then step back and look at it. I would study its beauty and its detail. After a few minutes I would wrap the individual pieces back up in their individual pieces of tissue paper, place them back in their individual spots in the box and put the box back into the top of my closet.

I was never great friends with my GranGran. She was never very kind to me and I disliked going to her house. However, I loved looking at her paintings. They were delicate and meticulous. Each petal, leaf and vine was placed with precision and in soft, subtle colors. It was difficult for me to understand how such lovely things could come fro such a crabby, impatient, old woman.

Though her spirit was strong, her body was not. She fell often and broke her hips and wrists several times.

One day when I was in fourth grade, she went to the hospital and did not return home. She had congested heart failure and some blood clots in her arm. They had to remove it up to her elbow.

I went to visit her. She looked so weak and frail. She kept moving her arm in conversation as if it was still completely there. I tried really hard to not look at it, but it was difficult not to with her moving it about like that.

Not only had there been a change in her body, but there had been a change in her personality. It was as if with the nasty clot they had also amputated her nasty attitude. She acted happy to see me. She listened to what I had to say rather than acting as if my voice was an annoyance to her. I had fun talking with her! I looked forward to visiting her. She began to take time to tell me stories from her life: Before she painted china she worked at a factory making decorative bows and frills for the display boxes on the walls in the complementary wrapping area of department stores. Her mother was full blooded Native American, but it was never talked about in her father's family. She smoked a pipe all of her life. It was hard to envision that without laughing. I had a new-found love, enjoyment and appreciation for my GranGran and I thought about her often.

One night, we arrived home late from church and there was a message from my grandfather on our answering machine. It was odd to hear his voice; usually my grandmother was the one who called. I was also somewhat startled by the sound of his voice. It was still deep and authoritative, but a little less controlled.

His voice had always been strong as a rock. You could lean on it. Tough as nails, just like his mother. Now it wasn't so sturdy. There was a small crack in the rock.

He said, "Uh, Julie, it's your dad. Give me a call when you get this."

Idiosyncrasies such as 'uh' or 'um' are not characteristic of my grandfather's speech. That was a crack in the rock. His voice was a little softer and slower than usual - almost timid. Another crack in the rock. Cracked rocks can easily shatter. I was unnerved.

My mother sent my little brother and me to bed. As I lie in bed with a book open, I heard the soft murmur of my mother's voice and could tell she was on the phone. I sneaked out of bed and stole down to the end of the hallway so that I could get a good ear of what my mother was saying. I could tell what was said on the other end of the phone when she said, "Oh, dad. I'm so sorry."

When she hung up the phone I stepped out from my hiding place, eyes full of tears and questions. I didn't have to ask. My mother said, "Yes, dear. GranGran died in the hospital today."

Tears began to stream down my face, but my mother's eyes were dry. I could not understand why. She said she had known it was coming. GranGran was old and it was her time.

However, this was my first encounter with death. It was difficult for me to imagine GranGran not being there at Christmas, sitting in her chair with her hands in her lap, not saying a word. It was difficult to imagine never visiting her old-lady-smelling apartment or never receiving another one of her beautiful, hand-painted gifts.

We were unable to attend her funeral. My parents explained that it was too far away, we couldn't miss school and they couldn't miss work. I didn't understand these excuses. Since we couldn't be there, I imagine what it would look like:

GranGran, laid out in her best dress, with her hair and make-up done in a fashion she never would have done herself. Fragile and beautiful, just like her china.

I realize that if I were to write this story now there are several changes I would make, but I love that I have this. It is the first piece of writing with which I really sat and spent a lot of time going through the writing process and researching. It is a beautiful memory!

My Favorite Things

2010-01-28T00:37:00.008-05:00

Inspired by the girls over at My Favorite Things, I have decided to make a list of my top 10 favorites of the now. I will make a genuine effort to not make them all food:

Always at #1 - Juniper and her daddy, Erik
caramel apple cider
Skip Hop City Chic diaper bag
LL Bean's Wicked Good Moccasins slippers in Vintage Red (Thank you Mema!) Yes, these are the slippers that I infamously yet accidentally wore to church . . . and the supermarket . . . twice.
Early Girl Eatery yummmmmm!
my crock pot - loving those wintery stews I get from just throwing in beef/beans and random veggies from the farmer's market and letting them cook for hours. I do this once or twice a week - until all my veggies are gone. Feel free to request a recipe.
Hyland's Homeopathic Teething Tablets - sigh of relief :)
The IT Crowd a BBC series that is a combination of The Big Bang Theory and Better Off Tedd. I chuckled during the first season and LOLed during the 2nd and 3rd. Funny.
Terry Teething Blanket perfect for Juniper's budding teeth. This would be in Juniper's top 10 right after mommy, daddy, breast milk and baths.
Conan O'Brien - I will miss him on The Tonight Show. So sad.

Ta-da! I am interested to know what is on YOUR top 10 . . . or top 5. Ten took me longer than I thought it would!
Now to continue watching The Real Housewives of Orange County (my #11).

The Poo Poo Chronicles

2010-01-15T14:19:00.010-05:00

My Daughter is Talented

Has your baby ever pooped so far up her back that it gets into her hair? I don't think so!
Once this happens, how am I supposed to get the outfit off of her without getting poo on the few remaining clean spots on her body/hair short of taking a pair of scissors to cut the outfit off of her similarly to how a doctor would cut the clothes off of a person after a serious accident. I didn't cut the outfit off, but I might as well have since I am considering just throwing the darn thing away instead of dealing with it. So what do we have? Poo poo everywhere. Poo on the changing table. Poo on the baby. Poo on me. Poo all over the sink as I spray her down with the dish hose. Not to mention the poo on the couch and boppy where she was sitting when the deed was done. *Sigh*

My house stinks . . . liiiiiiike cherries! Which brings me to my next chapter:

My Daughter Smells Sweet

Yes, her skin now smells sweet, but so does her poo?! Not the "mmm, I want a Twizzler" sweet or the "oh, make me a perfume out of that so I can wear it on special occasions" sweet, but the "eww, I think the peach cobbler you made a year ago got mixed together with the stinkiest cheese you can find . . . and then went bad" sweet. It makes me almost yak. It is inexplicable. I have asked the doctor and he has no idea. The only thing I can think of is maybe it is connected to the vitamins I give her?

My Daughter Recycles

I want you to guess. Guess how she recycles. The more cynical and creative of you may have figured it out. It has to do with combining her new discovery of her thighs with her affinity for tasting her fist and adding a dirty diaper change. She is just too fast for me. It is like she has a million little hands and they are all covered in poo heading towards her mouth.

You may ask, how do you keep from getting sick and adding to the mess? I simply go to a happy place in my mind - a place where I am cleaning a diaper full of chocolate pudding, but I don't partake because I am on a diet. Wait, that's not a happy place.

A Peek into the Present for my Past Self

2010-01-13T00:03:00.002-05:00

Prompt: If you could have given yourself a snapshot five years ago of what your life is like now, what would the picture be of and how do you think you would have felt about it?

I would choose this picture:

The first thing I would think would be, "Is that my child?!" I would then need a few moments to be excited and freaked out and let it settle in.
My next thought would then be, "You mean I can possibly get fatter than I am right now?!"
I would then notice how happy I seem and how beautiful my baby is and know that my future's so bright I gotta wear shades.

Another thought I might have: "Who's my baby's daddy? I need to start being more discretionary about who I date."

Not ME! Monday

2010-01-12T00:46:00.004-05:00

I would like to make it clear that after discovering that my daughter has pooped out of her diaper, up her back and all over her thighs I would always immediately give her a bath. I would never simply clean her up with baby wipes and save a bath for later. Not me!

I would never clamp my daughter's lips closed despite her protests in hopes that she will swallow at least a small amount of her medicine. Not me!

I would also never get so absent-minded that I leave the house and go to church wearing my house slippers. Not me!

When my daughter wakes up from a nap with her hair all disheveled, I would never compare her hair to a certain recently divorced mother of 8. Not me!

I always put away my daughter's clothes immediately. I would never let them sit in a hamper for a week and simply pull clothes out of it whenever she needs something to wear. Not me!
(I actually did promise myself that I would never do such a thing, but things happen.)

I have decided to NEVER leave Juniper alone again! For the very first time I left her alone with my husband while I went out to a book club meeting. What did my DH tell me when I arrived back home? My little girl had completely rolled over for the very first time . . . AND I MISSED IT!!!!! That's it. I will never again leave her side!

Movie? What Movie? I payed $10 to stand in the hall.

2010-01-02T12:31:00.003-05:00

I have been so proud to have a baby that does so well in movies. We have been to 4 where she either sleeps through the whole thing or sits and quietly watches. She cried once during Avatar bc it was so dang loud! I just took her to where she could see my face in the light. That calmed her down and we were able to return to our seat. She even swayed back and forth on my lap when the creatures on the screen were swaying. Then she fell back to sleep.
But, the times they are a-changin' (thanks B Dylan.) Last night we decided to go see the new George Clooney movie that everyone has been saying is so good - Up In The Air. I got Juniper dressed in a cute new outfit - which she promptly spit up all over 3xs. At this point I always have a decision to make: wipe it up and let her smell like puke but look super cute or change her clothes and chance her puking on the second outfit, too. I chose to let her smell like puke - bad mommy, I know. But she was so darn cute!

As I had hoped, she fell asleep in the car on the way to the movie. However, it was so windy and cold outside that, despite my attempts to keep her covered with a blanket, she woke up, pushed back from me and stuck her tongue out to feel the wind - I don't know why she does this. Maybe I should try it. Maybe the wind feels really good on the tongue. Or tastes good. Kinda gross, though, huh?
We had arrived at the movie super early bc Erik was convinced it would be packed. We were the only ones in the theater until about 3 minutes before the movie started. Juniper sat quietly in my lap enjoying the music that was playing. Then the lights went out and I realized that we had wasted her contented time on the 45 minutes of sitting in the theater before the movie.
Junie has become a lot more demanding of my attention of late. She wants to be looked at, talked to, held and sung to much more often then she cared to before. She's also become a better cuddler - but not last night. She started to make grunting fussy noises. I popped a bottle into her mouth but she wasn't having it. I handed her to Erik and told him to take her out.
I sat back in my seat, ate a handful of popcorn, sipped some Sprite and enjoyed the movie - for about 15 minutes (Erik says 30 minutes, but he's wrong.) To the complaint of the two over-sized women on who's toes I stepped on my way out, I decided to go relieve Erik of our fussy baby so he could go in to watch the movie. I found Erik in the hallway holding a baby that was wide awake and loving the attention.
He went into the movie and Juniper promptly spit-up on me. She did this 5 more times. Every time I would try to pop into the back of the theater to get a glimpse of the movie she would spit up and then fuss. I would have to go into the hallway to try and find where on me and her the spit-up was residing. It was clear that her stomach was upset - and this was probably my fault. I had fed her some formula that was past the expiration date. The can says to throw out the formula a month after it has been opened. I think I was pushing two. In my defense, since I rarely use formula I would be throwing away a barely used can if I threw it away after a month and that is a lot of money and I am just sure that they put that expiration on the can so it forces people to buy more formula more frequently than they need to like those razors with the fading blue strips and oil changes . . . I'm a bad person. I really hope no one calls CPS after reading this blog.
My movie experience consisted of pacing, puking, and peeking at portions of the film. (I like alliterations.) Erik apparently didn't get this whole "switching-off" thing. He says that every time I stepped into the movie he would look back at me and makes eyes that were supposed to be asking if I wanted him to switch with me - but how was I supposed to see that?!
There was nowhere to sit in the hallway and my arms and my legs and my patience was getting tired of holding this fussy baby that would not be consoled. It was obvious that she was tired but she was refusing to let me cradle her and try to put her to sleep. I couldn't even be sneaky about it - she knew what I was trying to do and would look me in the eyes and let loose some really mad crying.
I was at my wit's end and was about to walk into the theater with a crying baby and yank out my seemingly neglectful husband so we could go home when all of a sudden her head dropped onto my arm. I looked at her and her eyes were closed. Upon a pulse check I realized that she had fussed herself to sleep. Finally, I would be able to watch the movie. I stepped into the theater and here comes Erik up the isle with all of our stuff to come rescue me and take us all home. LOL. I looked at him and said I could have used him an hour ago. He apologized and he is forgiven.
We sat down and watched the last 20 minutes. As we left the theater, I looked at Erik and said, "So, was it good?"

Highlight of the night: I was standing in the back of the theater when I woman returned from a potty break. She walked up to us and, without asking, reached out to rub Juniper's arm. She stuck her hand right in a big glob of puke! HAHAHAHA! I enjoyed that - and I didn't apologize.

This Sucks Because She Won't!

2009-12-30T01:38:00.004-05:00

Warning: This post discusses boobies. If that makes you uncomfortable, read no further.

I wish I had written this closer to when the events had occurred for a better account. It just took me so darn long to remember and recount the events of my delivery that everything else was put on hold.

Anyway, we finally get baby girl home. I went about trying to do about the only thing my beat-up body should be capable of doing: feeding the baby. I had gotten some pointers from the nurse at the hospital and had attended a breast feeding class during my 9th month. I figured I was pretty prepared. I cradled Juniper in a proper feeding position - supporting her head as I had seen. I supported my breast with the other hand, waited for her mouth to open and popped the thing right into it. I thought, "Now, suck." But she didn't suck. She screamed. So, we tried again. And again. Ok, lets try the other breast. Same thing. I couldn't understand it. For hours I tried to feed her while she screamed - so tired and so hungry. I would let her suck on my finger for a few minutes and then we would try again. Again she screamed. She screamed and cried with perfectly pitiful little "Wha"s until, exhausted, she would cry herself to sleep.

Our Delivery Experience

2009-12-24T02:36:00.006-05:00

With the baby 2 weeks overdue we had an induction scheduled for 8am Tuesday, September 29th, however I was praying that the whole process would begin on its own.

Monday night around 10:45 I got off of the phone with my mom, used the restroom and then went into the baby's room (temporarily an office) to talk to Erik. I opened my mouth to speak to him and started to sit down in the pink rocker when, OOPS! My eyes got big. Was I not finished going to the bathroom? I clamped my legs together and waddled towards the bathroom but as soon as I got through the door I felt warmth running down my leg. I was shocked! I couldn't make it stop! I thought, "Am I really wetting myself right now?!" Then it dawned on me. Could this be my water breaking? Erik thought it was and said we needed to head to the hospital. I called my mom and described it and she said I needed to head to the hospital, too. I wasn't so convinced. So, while Erik tried to contact the doctor via phone, I got on-line and looked up Yahoo Answers on what it is like when your water breaks and what you should do - because apparently I trust complete strangers over my own family.
Convinced by the internets, I agree to let Erik take me to the hospital. We throw our bags in the car (bags that I have had packed for over a month) and head down the road. About 3 minutes into the drive the doctor calls back and confirms that it sounds like my water broke and they will be expecting us at the hospital.

I'm in a good mood and very excited this labor has started on its own - despite the fact that I still feel no contractions. Erik drops me off at the ER entrance. I waddle in and inform them that my water broke. They call someone and say, "We've got another one." (Popular night?) While I wait for the escort Erik arrives from parking the car. Santa Clause in a Swine Flu mask shows up and tells us to follow him. (Not really Santa Clause - just a big man with a white beard. Come on, people. Keep up!) He takes us upstairs to the Labor and Delivery desk where I see another woman waiting to be taken to a room. She is sitting in a wheel chair and looking miserable. I cheerfully say, "You, too?!" She gives me a pained smile that says "Shut-up." I follow the nurse to my room with not just a waddle but a bounce in my step.

They set to hooking me up to machines to monitor the baby's heartbeat and my contractions as well as hooking me up to an IV of fluids and antibiotics needed for the presence of Strep B. They checked and confirmed that indeed my water had broken. They also discovered the presence of meconium - typical for babies that are 2 weeks overdue, but it means that she needed to get out of the contaminated amniotic fluid within 24 hours to avoid infection. Not only that, but they also discovered that though her head was down, she was facing to the side instead of to the ground. They tried several times throughout the labor to turn her, but she would not be moved! (Stubborn girl.)

The first 7 or so hours at the hospital I spent walking around or chilling in bed and thinking, "This isn't so bad."

I was 7cm and still not contracting on my own so they started me on evil Petocin. At this point I also opted for an epidural. (Gosh, those sting going in!) Unfortunately, the epidural rarely worked. I was experiencing TERRIBLE, ragged, rapid-fire contractions and could do nothing, not even getting out of bed, to handle the pain. They kept sending the anesthesiologist into my room to give me shots and doses of pain meds and still could not manage my pain. At one point Erik was sitting by my bed and holding my hand while I moaned through the contractions, they became so intense and were coming in such rapid succession without relief that I began to sob as I moaned and could not stop. Finally the contractions subsided for a minute and I looked up at Erik. He had tears running down his face and said, "I'm so sorry I did this to you." It was so hard for him to see me in such pain. I chuckled and reassured him that I was okay and, though the pain SUCKED, I knew it would be worth it.

From here on everything is a blur and Erik has had to help me fill in the details.

At this point I have been in labor for 22 hours - mostly w/o any working pain medication though there was an epidural in my back that forced me to stay on my back in bed instead of being able to get up and do various pain management techniques. (Suck.) Erik goes to find the nurses to tell them that we need to get this thing going as it is nearing the 24 hour mark and I am not doing well. (Apparently they were eating dinner.) They come in and have me push twice. I successfully urinate all over the table. I apologize over and over. They just looked at each other annoyed and ask who didn't drain my bladder when it was supposed to be done as they lift me up and change the bed dressings. After the pushing they acknowledge that my baby is rather big and is not turning the way they would have liked her to.

They give me 2 options: either a C-section or vaginal birth aided by forceps. I have educated myself on the pros and cons of both and I know that the doctor that is on call happens to be the hospital's "expert" on forceps births. I decided to take my chances that possibly the forceps birth will be less invasive and have less damage. Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuun! (That is menacing foreshadowing music.)

Erik tells me that another 2 hours go buy as they are gathering all the appropriate people and prepping me and the equipment for delivery. The next thing I am conscious of is opening my eyes to remind them to finally get some good medicine into me before the procedure. I was shocked to see about 8 medical personnel in my room. I am told that 2 or 3 of them were from NICU. Since the baby has been swimming in meconium contaminated fluid for so long there is a possibility for infection. Also, unbeknownst to me, they are expecting somewhat of an arduous delivery (which should have been apparent from the presence of so many people in my room, but I was pretty out of it. I had no idea how traumatic it would be.) For this reason the NICU nurses are there to help stabilize the baby after delivery. There was also an anesthesiologist, 2 or 3 nurses and 2 doctors.

The next thing I know it is midnight and we are underway. They have raised my bed to their chest level and are inserting a speculum. Fortunately, they have finally managed my pain so I am feeling the pressure of the activity but not the pain.

They tell me to push and I bare down with all my might. The best way I can describe pushing during delivery is you push as if you're trying to poo. Seriously. I kept imagining taking a dump. This must be right bc they kept telling me I was a great pusher. Anyway, I believe I was passing out between each push. I just remember every now and then waking up and drowsily asking if I should push. I gave a big push and felt the head lodge in my opening. Erik says, "I see hair!" I remember thinking, "This is really happening." Why this only just occurred to me, I don't know.

The next time I come to, I look up and see a doctor's rear-end in my face. She has climbed on top of the table and is straddling me. The baby's shoulder has gotten stuck under my pelvic bone and they need to remove her quickly for the safety of the baby. Erik says this was a terrifying time for him. He sees the horrifying sight of our baby's head and one arm hanging out of me. She is completely blue and is not moving. Then he looks at me and sees that I keep passing out and am totally delirious. My body is being jerked around by the doctor who is on top of me pushing my belly and pulling and twisting the baby. He is standing in the corner traumatized, asking God if he is going to have to choose one of us and agonizing over which one it would be.

With one mighty yank and twist she is out. I hear Erik's shaky voice saying we are going to be alright and that she looks great. I turn to look at him and am not very reassured. His smile is forced, his tear-rimmed eyes look mortified and he is completely pale. I keep saying, "Is she okay? I can't hear her. Why isn't she crying?" They have given her directly to the NICU nurses who are attempting to stabilize her. She does not cry bc they immediately stick a tube down her throat, I am told, to prevent infection from the tainted amniotic fluids. I am told that she is 10lbs 1oz and 22in long. Big girl. I am so impressed that I immediately pass out again.

After a minute I hear her soft cries. She is not a screamer. Her cries have always seemed more like cooes. They place her on my chest and there she is - this thing - this something that I immediately love and find so strange and foreign at the same time. I sense her need. My body longs to warm her's, to nurture her. Her head begins to move, her mouth already opening and closing, searching for food. I help her find it - only we have both miscalculated and I pull her off to find we have completely missed the nipple and she has created a raised hickey beside it. We try again - it is a learning process that even 3 months later is still developing.

Not only am I helping this little one, but she is helping me. She is the best pain medicine. I do not even notice the two doctors at my other end busily working to stitch up my 3rd degree lacerations - vaginal and rectal. Soon they come to take my little girl again. Her APGAR score was initially very low and they must run the test again. Fortunately, this is all done in my delivery room. Unfortunately, as soon as they remove her from my chest I become painfully aware of what is taking place down below. I inform the doctors that I can feel everything they are doing. They tell me that I can't and I am only feeling the pressure of what they are doing. I tell them I know what I am feeling and what I am feeling is needle piercing my skin repeatedly and thread being drawn through me as if I am a leather bookmark craft at boyscout camp. They look at each other and say, "I think she needs some more pain meds." Yuh think?

I am now coherent enough to begin asking Erik questions. "What did we name her?" He said we named her what we had decided upon. We had decided upon it but I was a little disappointed. Did we make a good choice. I don't even know this baby. Maybe the name doesn't fit her. I had these nagging feelings for 2 weeks and even stumbled over saying her name as it did not yet come to my mouth easily. But as she became less foreign to me, so did her name until it became her - definitively. My little Juniper Grace.

"Did you cut the umbilical chord?" Erik said the nurse did it as soon as they delivered her. I began to apologize that he didn't get the opportunity but he threw his arms up and said he was happy to let them do it. He was not about to step into the madness that was taking place.

"They need to take her foot prints. Did they take her foot prints?" Apparently they took them while she was with the NICU nurses. That kind of bummed me out. I would have liked to watch that or at least have gotten a picture of it.

The nurses asked me if I needed anything. "A turkey sandwich with cheese, lettuce and mayonnaise, a piece of fruit and ginger-ale." I was starving! I hadn't had anything to eat in over 28 hours, and after all of that physical exertion and all of the fluids and meds being pumped into me I just wanted something in my belly - other than a baby. That was the best turkey sandwich I have ever had.

They move me up to the mother-baby floor where I remain in my private room for the next 3 days. My mother comes later that day and we soon realize that none of the clothes I brought to the hospital are going to fit this 10lb 1oz, 22in long baby I just had. She runs to the store and picks up a couple adorable outfits so that my baby does not go home naked.

The nurse shows me how to tend to my stitches which involves ice packs that you break and shake like glow sticks, tucks pads, steroid foam, mammoth maxi pads, gauzy granny panties (a God-send), squirt bottles and warm baths sans soap. I am on a regular diet of 600mg ibuprofen, percocet (AMEN!) and stool softeners (DO NOT skip those stool softners, ladies. I will probably elaborate in another post.) So, I am feeling pretty good.

We let Erik go home to sleep that first night as he definitely needs some time to re-coop after all he has witnessed. My mother stays on a bench made up as a bed. Erik stays the next 2 nights with me. During this time I am allowed no visitors as they have become very strict about who they let onto the floor due to the concerns over H1N1 (swine flu.) Fortunately, my friend Laura Bennett had begun training at the hospital for a new job that week so she was able to stop by. That was nice. On the 3rd day they ask if I would like to stay longer. My ordeal has made Juniper and I something of celebrities on the floor with many nurses and doctors stopping by to check on us and pat themselves on the back for their accomplishment. They tell me I deserve to stay as long as I want, but I am eager to get my little one home.

Before we can depart, Juniper must take and pass a hearing test. Though I was told that she would not be taken from my room for any reason, they come and wheel her out for the test. She does not like being taken away and therefore cries throughout the test, causing her to fail. The next time they come to take her for the test I ask if Erik can go with her so she can have someone familiar with her. I was told in orientation this was completely acceptable, however the nurse acts very put off and tries to refuse. I insist. Still, Juniper cries and does not pass. I ask, as I had asked from the beginning, that they please give her the test in my room. I know they are capable of doing this and was told it was done often. Apparently the nurse was offended, believing that I am insinuating that she does not know how to do her job. Whatever. It ends up taking several hours to get someone to come to my room to perform the test on Juniper. I nurse her during the test to keep her calm. She passes with flying colors. Geesh.

Now we can go home. An exhausted nurse asks if I need a wheel chair or if I can just walk out. I say that I guess I can walk - I don't want to wait another hour for a wheel chair. Have you ever heard of a new mother leaving the hospital w/o a wheel chair? Especially one with 3rd degree lacerations? I know!

It was an ordeal - but I swear I would do every bit of it 100 times over if I meant I could have my wonderful baby girl. We finally got her home - and now the real adventure begins!

Let Me Sleep

2009-12-24T00:53:00.003-05:00

Last night Juniper slept 8 hours. Unfortunately that 8 hours began at 6:30pm. While I enjoyed having my evening - being able to cook and actually sit to eat dinner - I did not enjoy that fact that the 8 hours ended at 2:30am.
In the morning Juniper was lying next to me in bed after a feeding. She decided she was not ready to sleep and did not want me to sleep, either. I was determined to continue my slumbering and she was determined to wake me up. For an HOUR she babbled at me, fussed and hit me in the face repeatedly. After satisfying myself as the world's most neglectful mother, I gave in and got up. Before picking her up I made a quick trip to the restroom. What did I find upon reentering the bedroom? Juniper sucking her thumb, fast asleep again. And there I was wide awake. I think she does this on purpose. She is trying to drive me crazy. What will she be like as a teen, I wonder?

For the rest of the day we were busy around town running errands. Junie was wonderful, wonderful. Though she hated being put into her car-seat, she LOVES her Baby Bjorn and does not mind being in it for hours at a time. She smiled and kicked her legs and waved her arms at all who passed. The world was putty in her adorable little hands. It was so fun to watch someone else's day be brightened just by the sight of her. I love being her mommy.

Recent FB Posts

2009-12-24T00:36:00.001-05:00

Oct. 27 9:56pm

So, I think my daughter may be lactose-intolerant like her father. We seem to have a bad night every time I have dairy. :(

Oct 28 12:06pm

Doctor mandated inactivity is really doing a number on my already weak knees. How can I work out my legs w/o moving my bum? It hurts to just bend my knees, let alone walk or stand up from the couch with an infant in my arms. Arg.

Oct 28 8:34pm

What makes babies smell so sweet?

Oct 31 8:10pm

Erik made a Delicious meal tonight! Guiness brats w/ onions and cabbage w/ potatoes. Yummmmmmm! Looking forward to the chocolate chip pumpkin bread we made. :) This year for Halloween we are going as Domestics.

Nov 1 9:57pm

Lindsay Peterson actually felt like a normal person today! We went to church, lunch with friends and a trip to the mall! :) . . . and now my stitches hurt.

Nov 2 10:38pm

Kirkland's diapers from Costco = Massive FAIL!!!!!!

Nov 3 7:04pm

Lindsay Peterson thinks Juniper ate an entire pumpkin from the looks of what was in her diaper. She filled one diaper to capacity then filled a second one while still on the changing table and continued to go as I was trying to catch it all w/ half a container of wipes. Poor Elmo diaper never had a chance. However, no leaks! Hooray for Pampers!!!

Nov 6 2:45pm

Lindsay Peterson is so thankful that Juniper slept 6 1/2 hours last night! Also, we went to Sam's Club and I wore her in my Maya wrap and she did so well! She only fussed at the end when she woke up from her nap and could not stretch her legs. She likes to stretch.

Nov 6 9:30pm

Lindsay Peterson thoroughly enjoyed Juniper's dancing during family worship tonight. Of course, it only lasted about 7 minutes before she fussed and pooped and then went to sleep - but it was so cute while it lasted!

Nov 7 1:46pm

Lindsay Peterson loves my sleeping girl! Another 6 hours last night - woohoo!

Nov 8 7:27pm

Lindsay Peterson walked in to Juniper's nursery thinking she was lying in bed fussing, but found her happily talking to herself and squealing. Hmm, I guess having conversations with oneself is hereditary.

Nov 10 11:03am

Lindsay Peterson Today I actually found myself thinking, "Hmm, a Slanket would be really convenient right now." I know - it scared me, too!

Musings of an Early Morning Feeding

2009-12-24T00:35:00.002-05:00

Originally posted October 28, 2009

On Friday Juniper will be 1 month old! I feel like I need one of those signs you see in factories that say "258 days without injury. Previous record 175." Mine will read "30 days without physical or mental irreparable damage to the child. Previous record ____."
Juniper's baby acne is killing me! It looks like chicken pox. :( It is hard to see such a beautiful baby covered with so many blemishes.
So, I think I may have inadvertently had caffeine yesterday. This makes for a very fussy baby that can't make herself go to sleep no matter how hard she tries. Poor thing. She was awake for about 5 or 6 hours straight last night. It was either caffeine or the cream cheese I had on my bagel. We're still testing with this possible lactose-intolerance. I would HATE if she couldn't have dairy. I can't imagine a life without cheese and ice cream!
Juniper is becoming very vocal and better about communicating what she likes and dislikes and also letting us know when she wants her diaper changed. Last week the doctor was surprised that she is "talking" already. Usually her talking leads up to fussing, but sometimes she coos when she's happy. I could swear that her smiles are becoming more intentional and not just facial ticks and gas related. A couple times she has given me a big smile when I look at her or talk to her. So precious. :)

I'm keeping Juniper awake by typing this instead of rocking her. Bad mommy being so neglectful. Oops! Have I ruined my 30day run on the physical/mental injury sign? Oh, she just fussed herself to sleep. I'm sure she's fine. Phew!

Facebook Posts During Mommyhood

2009-12-24T00:33:00.002-05:00

FB posts from when Juniper was born until the beginning of this blog:
Oct 3 7:05pm

Lindsay Peterson is a mom! It was a very difficult delivery and it will be a while before I am back to my emotional and physical self. However, I have the MOST BEAUTIFUL and PRECIOUS baby girl and I am feeling VERY blessed! Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers!

Oct 4 12:31pm

Lindsay Peterson "Breastfeeding: every little suck a little success." I think I'm later going to write a memoir about this craziness and use that as the title of one of the chapters. I reserve the right to amend it to "This Sucks Because She Won't"

Oct 7 1:46am

My baby has become such a good eater!!!!!!! She has gone from not eating for 2 days straight, losing 2lbs and screaming non-stop to now being the best little sucker in town! God is so good and mommy and baby are so happy! Ladies, use the resources av...ailable to you. Don't allow you and your baby to suffer. Going to a lactation consultant is the best thing I could have done! Praise God!!!!!
Oct 9 1:43am

So, it turns out my daughter's "wake time" is from around 10pm to 3am. About midnight she starts alternating 10 minutes of feeding and 10 minute naps. I basically keep holding her until she starts fussing to feed again. Fun times. Wish I had a DVR.

Oct 11 12:33am

Lindsay Peterson is very blessed :)

Oct 12 2:45am

Lindsay Peterson loves that Juniper's default face is a smile. :) I pray she always stays this happy!

Oct 13 2:43am

So, baby girl was awake from 8:30pm to 2:30 am. Seriously? Is this normal for a 12-day-old? I'm exhausted.

Oct 14 2:51pm

Erik with his hand on my belly: "Does it feel different?" Me starting to cry: "It feels useless and fat and empty. It's not special anymore." Erik: "It's still special. It's just in hibernation." :)

Oct 15 8:52pm

My husband takes such good care of me :) I love him!

Oct 21 7:09pm

I need to be more disciplined about this nap thing so I don't hate myself @ 3 in the morning.

Oct 23 7:18am

With Juniper in the house there is another person for me to blame whenever I pass gas. It was getting difficult always trying to convince Erik it was him.

Oct 24 1:07pm

Lindsay Peterson is wearing a cabbage bra.

Oct 25 4:50pm

Lindsay Peterson bought a crib sheet instead of a changing pad cover. Doh! I HATE when I do that!

Oct 26 4:38pm

The past few days Juniper has refused to sleep in her crib. I am thanking God right now for her swing!

FB Posts While Pregnant

2009-12-24T00:24:00.000-05:00

Apparently FB didn't save my posts from Jan. - June (or I just can't find them.) Grrr. Oh well. Here are the posts from July on:
July 14 3:41pm

Why am I exhausted by EVERYTHING today?! At least there is a marathon of Jonas on Disney Channel. Ya, I am.

July 14 9:14pm

Lindsay Peterson is sad that her life is too "grown-up" at the moment to accommodate a midnight showing of Harry Potter. :(

July 20 8:36am

Droppin' Mema off at the airport. Gonna be a full day when I get home. I have dubbed Mondays - Floor Days! I will probably add an additional day when they baby starts crawling (or just do them every day.)

July 20 11:13am

Lindsay Peterson had such a great time at my baby shower this weekend! Thank you to all the lovely ladies who were involved that made is so special! See you all this Sunday at the big CityChurch/Missionary Baptist softball face-off!

July 22 12:45pm

Lindsay Peterson just ordered the baby bedding! So cute! Pictures will follow when it arrives!

July 22 6:31pm

Pickles are a common snack of pregnant women, right? So, why are they giving me acid reflux?

July 26 7:57am

Lindsay Peterson is slowly coming to the realization that there will soon be a child that is using Erik and me as examples of how to live and grow. I guess I should be used to the concept of being an example, seeing that I am a teacher - but I always took comfort in knowing that it is the parents that do most of the ireparble damage. Now I am that parent!

July 26 8:59pm

so tired

July 27 8:10am

Waiting for the stores to open so I can get some things done. It's frustrating when I wake up early to start my day but no one in Asheville is starting it with me - so I have to sit and wait. Can't even enjoy a cup of coffee. Le sigh.

July 27 9:44am

On-line shopping (in moderation and with wisdom and self-control) is a marvelous thing! I have gotten so many things that I need for my baby! (I hope I don't change my tune when my packages start arriving this week.)

July 29 3:01pm

Why is it when I am staying home and excited about a package that will arrive today that the mail is HOURS later than it normally arrives? I AM STILL WAITING!!!!!!!! getting seriously frustrated

July 31 11:20am

It is amazing how lethargic rain makes me.

July 31 5:37pm

Hosting a small tea/brunch for some neighborhood ladies tomorrow so am doing some prep cooking for it. It is going to be sooooooo yummy! I can't wait!

Aug 2 11:32pm

Reservations continue to come in at the Peterson bed & breakfast. I smile with a sigh. :)

Aug 3 12:05am

Not excited about going to sleep. With one month to go, bedtime has become a constant quest for comfort. argh. I think I'll just stay up until I drop.

Aug 5 4:23pm

It's raining; it's pouring. The pregnant lady's been snoring - for about 3 hours!

Aug 6 12:09pm

Prayer and just putting yourself out there really does pay off sometimes. We have a full weekend starting tonight!

Aug 6 4:35pm

Made some coconut-pineapple squares. Mmmmm. And they are a Paula Deen recipe so, yes, there are 2 sticks of butter. (I even toasted my own pineapple bc I'm awesome.)

Aug 7 5:08am

Acid Reflux at 4am. Had spaghetti at a friend's house and knew I would pay for it later. Tums, milk and sitting up. Any other suggestions?

Aug 7 12:27pm

Wake-up, oh sleeper, and rise from the dead. So, I'm wondering if these 3 hour naps are normal at this point in pregnancy.

Aug 7 1:45pm

Lindsay Peterson can't leave my house bc there is an agitated yellow jackets' nest right by my driver's side door. Could I really crawl my pregnant self through the passenger side of the car when I have a hard time just getting up from the couch? Anyone want to come rescue me?

Aug 9 12:10pm

Lindsay Peterson is taking apart and moving everything out of the baby's room so my father-in-law can Spackle, sand and paint the walls. It is hurting my mommy instincts to have to take apart everything I so lovingly put together. :'( So hard.

Aug 10 2:01pm

Father-in-law incoming in t-minus 60 minutes. Trying to enjoy the last hour with the house to myself. Wish I could nap - but need to mop and straighten up. Also wish my allergies weren't going nuts-o from all the standing water in our flooded ex...tra room and wish I had the energy/ability to do something about it other than just sit here and suffer until someone comes and takes care of it. Sigh.

Aug 11 10:21am

My father-in-law and I are having a silent fight over the placement of the soap dispenser. I prefer it to conveniently be right next to the faucet. Apparently, he prefers it to be at the back of the counter since is seems to have traveled back there ...every time I walk into the bathroom. Why?! This causes water to be dripped all over my counter as your hands traverse the distance between the faucet and the dispenser.

Aug 12 2:11am

Up with acid reflux. Dang raspberry tea.

Aug 13 2:36pm

Lindsay Peterson scheduled a pre-natal massage and intensive pedicure for next week. Hooray!

Aug 14 6:26pm

I am considering naming my child Shaquante'. There's an accent on the 'e' bc it is French. (I was informed of this by a former student with the same name.) Strange - in all my trips to Paris and my study of the French language and... culture I have never come across this name. I learn so much from my students.
Aug 15 8:42pm

Erik refuses to shave my legs for me. What a selfish jerk! Doesn't a pregnant lady get any pity? Gosh.

Aug 16 10:10pm

Lindsay Peterson is relieved to NOT be starting school tomorrow! Mwahahahaha!!!!!!!! :-P

Aug 17 8:00am

Lindsay Peterson saw a 2 or 3 point buck in our backyard last night about 1am while I was on one of my many nightly bathroom visits. It glowed silver in the moonlight. For a moment I thought I was looking at Harry Potter's patronus! Very cool.

Aug 19 8:36am

Lindsay Peterson
is about to head out to my maternity massage and pedicure! So excited! I totally earned it yesterday. 7 hours of errands and shopping has left me feeling soar like no other physical activity ever has! I guess I should listen when they say pregnant la...dies should take it easy - especially in their 9th month. Lesson learned! :)

Aug 20 9:29am

Lindsay Peterson
is taking it easy today. Short grocery trip, mop baby's room and begin to re-assemble it. If I call the children's consignment shop and they've gotten in a co-sleeper, I will run out - but only for that. Otherwise, my butt is staying p lanted on this couch where it longs to be - per orders of one Erik Peterson. Good man.
Aug 20 1:12pm

Is it weird that even though I am pregnant I hate watching those baby story shows? I would much rather watch stand-up comedy.

Aug 22 9:07am

Hooray for Saturday morning Infomercials! I am once again sold on "Your Baby Can Read." Totally saving up for it.

Aug 23 9:15pm

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! There is MOLD in my house!!!!!! I told them! I TOLD THEM!!!!!!!! but no one listens to the crazy pregnant lady! Now I am SICK, I cannot see out of my left eye, my baby is going to come home to air filled with mold spores a...nd I AM FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!! Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!! Gotta give it up to him, though - dear husband is working VERY hard to rid us of this mess ASAP.

Aug 25 6:24am

Note to Self: 2 bean and cheese burritos after 10pm = ridiculous acid reflux all night.

Aug 27 10:20am

SO GLAD THAT IS OVER!!!!!!!! Stomach bug during pregnancy = miserable, miserable, MISERABLE!!!!!!! The really fun thing is that all of the strange noises produced by my belly while sick freaks out the baby and makes her move a lot! Imagine having foo...d poisoning and then have a little leprechaun come along and use your intestines as punching bags and your stomach as a trampoline. You get the picture.

Aug 29 11:41am

Maalox is my new best friend. Relief from 10pm to 6am. Heaven!

Aug 31 10:49am

Doc says baby's head is really low, I am 2cm and it is very unlikely she will go past term. Better get ready! Due date is the 16th!

Sept 3 9:49am

Mmmm, Eggo waffle with Nutella and banana. Slap that in a cookbook and label it delicious.

Sept 6 4:02pm

Lindsay Peterson is soooooo pregnant. grooooooaaaaaan

Sept 10 8:28pm

I need a good rationalization for why it would be okay for me to buy Rock Band for Wii - Beatles addition when I have a baby due any day now. Any suggestions?

Sept 12 11:35am

Are there any studies on the affect of laptop computers on unborn children? I was just thinking that I usually sit with the computer on my pregnant belly. Will my baby come out with 3 arms or missing a brain lobe?

Sept 12 7:59pm

Oh, Mr. Braxton Hicks - you are a cruel tease. Come back when you want to get serious. I have no patience for your foolery.

Sept 14 2:03pm

Lindsay Peterson is 4cm and practically crushing her cranium with my thighs. You should see my waddle. Common baby!

Sept 15 11:29am

So, why has the world not stopped to realize that I am ridiculously and miserably pregnant? There are still capable walkers parking in the closest parking spots. The very thing I need is still way on the other side of the store. The places I want foo......d from still will not deliver. To me, at this moment, the world is very inconsiderate.
Sept 16 11:22am

waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting . . . . . . . .

Sept 16 8:32pm

Today is the due date. Only 5% of babies are born on their due date. Sigh

Sept 17 11:49am

Lindsay Peterson just went to Waffle House and couldn't fit into the booth! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Sept 20 4:33pm

Lindsay Peterson just woke up from a nap with my throat on fire! Pregnancy has made me a champion snorer. Champion!

Sept 20 9:05pm

Let me describe bliss: French onion dip w/ wavy chips, old-fashioned Gummi Worms, and Neil Patrick Harris hosting the Emmys. Yes.

Sept 21 3:51pm

It has been raining non-stop here for days. I'm contemplating building an ark. What this means, though, is I can't get out and walk. So . . . . . I think I'm going to look up an old Sweatin' to the Oldies video and get my groove on. That might work, right?

Sept 22 12:11am

Lindsay Peterson has to keep reminding myself that the only person who stays perpetually pregnant is Joe's wife Bonnie on the Family Guy. This will end . . . sometime.

Sept 23 1:37pm

Lindsay Peterson just got stung by a hornet! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY????????!!!!!!!!!

Sept 24 12:30pm

Lindsay Peterson just had a marvelous pedicure and a cute haircut. Ok, baby. I'm all pretty. You can come now!

Sept 25 8:24am

Lindsay Peterson had a dream last night that I was in a pro-Obama musical and we were singing "Don't Be Tardy for the Party." I also dreamed that I could make out all the features of the baby through my stomach and she was looking up at me and all I could say to her was, "Get out!"

Sept 25 8:09pm

Lindsay Peterson is going out to dinner to celebrate our last Friday w/o a child and the beginning of Erik's paternity leave.

Sept 28 6:34am

This time tomorrow I will be headed to the hospital to be induced, hooray! However, I really wish she would come on her own today.

Sept 28 9:30pm