The Poo Poo Chronicles

My Daughter is Talented

Has your baby ever pooped so far up her back that it gets into her hair? I don't think so!
Once this happens, how am I supposed to get the outfit off of her without getting poo on the few remaining clean spots on her body/hair short of taking a pair of scissors to cut the outfit off of her similarly to how a doctor would cut the clothes off of a person after a serious accident. I didn't cut the outfit off, but I might as well have since I am considering just throwing the darn thing away instead of dealing with it. So what do we have? Poo poo everywhere. Poo on the changing table. Poo on the baby. Poo on me. Poo all over the sink as I spray her down with the dish hose. Not to mention the poo on the couch and boppy where she was sitting when the deed was done. *Sigh*

My house stinks . . . liiiiiiike cherries! Which brings me to my next chapter:

My Daughter Smells Sweet

Yes, her skin now smells sweet, but so does her poo?! Not the "mmm, I want a Twizzler" sweet or the "oh, make me a perfume out of that so I can wear it on special occasions" sweet, but the "eww, I think the peach cobbler you made a year ago got mixed together with the stinkiest cheese you can find . . . and then went bad" sweet. It makes me almost yak. It is inexplicable. I have asked the doctor and he has no idea. The only thing I can think of is maybe it is connected to the vitamins I give her?

My Daughter Recycles

I want you to guess. Guess how she recycles. The more cynical and creative of you may have figured it out. It has to do with combining her new discovery of her thighs with her affinity for tasting her fist and adding a dirty diaper change. She is just too fast for me. It is like she has a million little hands and they are all covered in poo heading towards her mouth.

You may ask, how do you keep from getting sick and adding to the mess? I simply go to a happy place in my mind - a place where I am cleaning a diaper full of chocolate pudding, but I don't partake because I am on a diet. Wait, that's not a happy place.